Illusion Tumblr Themes

"I vented to the moon when i needed you
I cried to the stars when I felt like a fool
I can’t shake the feeling and i don’t know who
but i think it was you that snatched my stars and my moon too.


Sitting with my drunken mom
Listening to stories of when I was young
I realize how much she did for me
How much she encouraged my mind

"I just miss you
You were the closest to me
You were so special
My grandma avis just died
Im just so happy youre sitting here”

"Youre just sick of losing people arent you?"

"You esspecially."

Ive never been more sad
Ive never been so hurt
To see a tear roll down someones face
At my own fault



But what I miss most is the way id think
About 2 in the morning
Laying next to him
His mind silent
Mine wide awake

I would hear his breath get slow
His hands lose grip
And Id always admire how graceful
His life and exsistense is

I got through the sad thoughts
By looking at his sleeping soul
And thinking to myself
Hes all mine, and im all his

Id roll over
Into his arms
Hed wake up just enough
To hold me
My mind would go to peace
And I was happy

Now when the nights get dark
Im alone in my bed
Or sleeping next to a friend
Whos mind
Will never bring the same peace

I dont get through the sad thoughts
They carry on
Untill im so tired of listening
That I fall asleep

I have no one to console me
I have to one to care about
I have no one
And no one has me

So should I feel free?
I feel trapped
Under the heart of the apathetic
Who never even cared at all

And im stuck
At two in the morning
Everynight wishing
That ill be woken up
By him moving to hold me
And open my eyes with a smile
To see him smiling back

But he did always call me ridiculous
And that I dream beautifully insane
So ill tell him
“I hope one day
My dreams I told you come true
All but the ones of you.”



I want to wake up to you accidentally hitting me in the face, rolling on top of me to say sorry then feel you fall black asleep
Slowly losing your grip on me

As if it made him happy
I looked him dead in the eye
And told him
I never wanted this either, I wanted you
I shut the door
And walked away.

so there I was
Standing in the middle of a crosswalk
Holding my own hand
Tears flow and my heart dropped
I felt sick and got weak
As I watched his car
Speed into the horizon

See its been a week
Twenty two hours
And thirty-two minutes
I still get weak
I still cry uncontrollably
I still feel my heart in my stomach
I still try to fix all our problems
I still feel stupid

I feel horrible
I feel foolish
I was fooled
I think i was tricked
By my own mind

I was so sure
You would stay
I was so sure
Id wake up one day
And you would love
Every single piece of me

See I never wanted you to put me back together
I wanted you to see the light
Shinning through those fractals
And as if I was stained glass
I wanted you to see me
More beautiful in pieces
Than as a whole

I can only cry over myself
Because I made the mistake
Of planting my flowers
In an abandoned garden
I climbed over the fence
I ignored the warning signs
Dug a huge hole
And threw in my seeds.

They were not watered
They got no sunlight
They were never tended to
My flowers were barely noticed

So I made one
Out of thoughts too deep
And words to mean
Out of tears you brought
And every shred of apathy
You showed me

I walked up to the fence
Opened it
And shoved the flower in the dirt
Too quick and too hard

Together we were a sunflower with thorns
Missing pedals
And discolored yellow
I shined
Everyone turned to look
Everyone wanted me
And you
You hurt what touches you
Even the flower resting on your shoulders

That flower wasnt an obligation
I shouldnt have been an obligation
And when I was down
Even a little bit
You hurt me
You cut me when I needed you

And in the times I needed you the most
I was already cut off
From the stem that held my beauty
From the only thing that questioned my fall
From the one prick I wanted more than any soft surface
Walked away from me as easily
As I walked in

I hate to watch him leave
But I know one day ill be happier
As for now
I dont know if ive ever been more sad.


- My heart sitting in my stomach pit

credit to someone else’s lovely limbs.


credit to someone else’s lovely limbs.


'We walk away from the storm different than when we went in.'
I was fragile.
‘I was not born to be torn, I was born to be exposed to the storm, and held warm.’
So I didnt emerge as a star.
I walked into the universe as a super nova.

As I watched it leave me
I remembered
I cant breath here
Everything I love is lightyears away from my hands
So I cry
And they all reach out to pull me back into space
But im falling, I hit gravity and I cant stop.

I crash into the earth and look for any sign of life
I see the beauty I once loved more than anything
The trees you thought about more than me
The same car you have, the only thing that made you happy
That dog that looks just like yours, the only living thing you care about

I see the world I once loved more than you
And realize youve hated everyone on it all along

I sigh a long meehh
And begin to restate
Everything you ever really meant
And I realize how permanent this is
And how much you left with me

I can see that you needed to shed some weight off of your shoulders
But I cant see why of all planets
I had to fall out of orbit
So I lay in the grass
Because all I am now is a burnt out astroid.


- My mind hurts

Tijuana, Mexico / photo by René Burri, 1967.


Tijuana, Mexico / photo by René Burri, 1967.

"Some people know exactly what to say and how to act for awhile, but when shit gets tough, they leave."

- Just a broken heart that never healed right (via nowlifegoeson)

"The words I never got to say to you
burn in my throat like whiskey,
hot and heavy and
full of regret.
The words you barely said to me felt like cheap vodka,
watered in my eyes,
burned in my throat,
and were
incredibly difficult
to swallow.
And I wonder if,
for you,
it was
smooth and sweet like brandy,
or just as hard.

- Kayla Kathawa  (via ninakathawa)